Whatever..jus dun bother me

being the real me

2006-06-04T16:52:00.001-07:00

Look if i'm not lame & i'm not weird
if i'm not mad
if i'm not like i had too much voldka
if i'm not crazy about crap
than i won't be me!?

They're those who love me,like me and hate me.
But i'm just and purely me
and if you don't like it than you could go fuck yourself
cause i'm me! blah you who thinks i'm to stright forward
you who thinks i'm to lame
you is looking at a screen!
go fuck yourself( and tell me how,cos i tried and i can't do it)
or jump off a cliff
go go go go do it.

being the real me

2006-06-04T16:52:00.000-07:00

2006-05-03T07:51:00.000-07:00

Okay okay lets see...i don't get math,my head hurts from it.I don't get physics but i can learn! Today was SO boring! Maybe tomorrow will be better!

2006-04-30T20:19:00.000-07:00

I had a fucking terrible week someone close to me died
someone near me cried
& my grades suck...
*shakes head*
Singapore sucks & tradition is like trapping people from self expressions
i don't wanna be locked in a box again... lets hope next week will get better...it still makes me happy that i see alot of nice people.
This weird black girl is funny
An Asshole is great company,is like he got matrurity,though he is an asshole haha.
its all livable.Just don't wanna find a reason to die again.
There's this guy Sly/ZL his guitar is really good! lke really good! proud to know him!
I feel like playin drums again,the drum beat used to be my life!

2005-09-06T01:54:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in ages....SO many things have changed...so so many...i've gotten in trouble,got out of it.Got drunk so many times...got stoned,crashed a car,got crashed by a car. Met someone new..lost someone old.Jus tired now...no one distub me plz.

Even though i come so far,still got so far to go.

2005-09-02T05:45:00.000-07:00

Finished, I'm getting you off my chest-Made you come clean in a dirty dress
A promise is a promise you kept in check -Heart across a heart that beats its best
Take a good hard look for the very last time- The very last one in a very long line
Only took a second to say goodbye -Then the pleasure 'bout the pleasures been mine, all mine

2005-08-27T02:21:00.000-07:00

`````````````take a long hard look the very last time..the last look at a very long line`````````````

2005-08-22T04:28:00.000-07:00

i went to the hosiptal today..to see my gradfather,the same fuckin hosiptal..dun ask me how i'm doing dun ask me anything..i'm alive and so is he..which is good,i'll cry if he weren't...now i have chicken pox,everything is so bad now..jus same me...

2005-08-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

this is really nice..a smart girl made it...

who made up all the rules?
we have to follow them like fools...
im sorry i jus give up....

its jus the things that i hide..
jus the things covered up inside.
i got my mind made up,
i jus wanna feel the pain the things you got that made me insane...

2005-08-02T01:50:00.000-07:00

Man..i am a fool,a big fool..im too weak not to give in,to strong to lose.Girl you gave me something that i did not have,but its no use..and im to scared to lose.If you ever been hurt by someone,i wld laugh point a figure and say you deserve it.I learnt something pple..the pain you feel is real..and you must trust you must.My head is giving me life or death..and i cant choose,i swear to never give in...i refuse..i have got a confession to make,im a fool.

2005-07-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

The angry boy, a bit too insane, Icing over a secret pain.Well everyone I know has got a reason, To say, put the past away, I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend.You could cut ties with all the lies, That you've been living in,And your friends have left, You've been dismissed, I never thought it would come to this, And I, I want you to know, Everyone's got to face down the demons, Maybe today, We can put the past away......

2005-07-22T20:10:00.000-07:00

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
Youre faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your lifes been way off line
Youre falling to pieces everytime
And I dont need no carryin on

2005-07-20T20:06:00.000-07:00

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I dont believe it makes me real
I thought itd be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I dont know how it got so bad
Sometimes its so crazy
That nothing can save me
But its the only thing that I have

2005-07-19T01:59:00.000-07:00

Nothing works nothing ever did,if i cut my wrist all i get is alot of blood..if i jump off a roof all i get is broken legs.Dun get me wrong..i'm happy,really..jus wanna try everything once.shrugs

2005-07-18T07:42:00.000-07:00

Another ditch in the road..another stop sign..you keep moving on.I'm so so so so tired..another scar i have to hide,more blood more cuts could i ride them? Cos i would love too..Well i drowning in ur ocean,its much cooler in slow motion.

2005-07-12T22:47:00.000-07:00

Today they asked me, "what do you always seem to find?".But though I could not answer I'd have lost my way,and I could tell that this ain't right
The morning sunrise seemed to ask me why I tried.To find the strength in people who had never thought about a different way of life.

I don't know where to go
I don't know what to be
I don't know how to change from being me
I don't know what to say,maybe another day
I'll stop getting lost and find my way, home

2005-07-11T06:24:00.000-07:00

2005-07-05T20:24:00.000-07:00

I found these plastic parts and wires
Let's split me open at the seams
And rip out everything inside
Make room for all these new machines
Sew me up and pray that I survive
A brand new me-Piece by Piece...

2005-07-04T21:50:00.000-07:00

since ur gone..dun ever come back home,i used to worry i used to care.theres alot of grief for a single time,but its over now,since ur gone..dun ever come back home.

this life is jus nice,its like the ocean under the moon,you can be so damn nice..i can heard ur name calling me,but i got no voice to answer,you got everything to be so smooth,but forget bout it :).

2005-07-02T00:26:00.000-07:00

damn it..i'm sick and stuck in this hell hole,someone save me plz?! ok something positive i got my new specs..they look like sun glasses,oh wells who cares.as long as i can see..wait wait i rather not see..

2005-06-27T04:11:00.000-07:00

i'm slipping off the edge..i dun want to try this again.How could this happen to me? i made many mistakes..and said "i'm sick of this life someone save me please"...

2005-06-24T23:27:00.000-07:00

I hope all is well in heaven
Cause it's all shot to hell down here
I hope that i find you in heaven
Cause i'm so lost without you down here...

2005-06-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

like the angel you are you laugh creating a lightness in my chest,
your eyes they penetrate me,
your answer's always 'maybe'
that's when I got up and left...

2005-06-24T03:29:00.000-07:00

Open your eyes and look outside, find a reasons why.You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.Be strong now.Too many problems.Don't know where she belongs.She wants to go home, but nobody's home.It's where she lies, broken inside.With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.Broken inside.

2005-06-21T07:03:00.000-07:00

took a while to drag me out of bed,and i rather be died! took a while to make me feel out place but i went back to bed,dun you forget bout me..so little time so much to do..

2005-06-20T08:23:00.000-07:00

fuck this song is damn nice,heres a few lyrics

We are all the same
Human in all our ways and all of pain(So let it be)
There's a love that could fall down like rain(Let us see)
Let forgiveness wash away the pain(What we need)
And no one really knows what they are searching for(We believe)
This world is crying for so much more...

2005-06-09T04:45:00.000-07:00

in life all there is happens to be is sex,drugs and rock n roll..

2005-06-08T21:26:00.000-07:00

yesterday was good,met alot of good friends.met someone whos sweet..ok some bad stuff to but i dun want to think abt it...good grief jus let me rest!

2005-06-03T09:06:00.000-07:00

man..i do the stupidest thing all the time,its ok i dun care anyway...my parents are pissed,its ok,cos its often..whats new dun ever dye your hair blue and pink,cos ur parents won't like it,and if they do...can trade?

2005-05-29T23:01:00.000-07:00

haha all the brains i have went to my head! i walked on by my soul and its sliding away..i won't look back in anger,cos my eye is crap with what i said,you dun understand neither do i! put your heart in the hands of a rock band..cos you ain't ever gonna burn another heart out haha.

2005-05-27T05:12:00.000-07:00

today was ok..i can't ask for much,jus that my parents are fine to deal with.Anyway i'll try blading soon,yah!!!!!

~i need you girl like i need a hole in the head~

2005-05-24T09:34:00.000-07:00

I'm tired...and i tried,no more pain..i give up on everything,on me...

2005-05-22T08:49:00.000-07:00

This was taken from a sucide note of a 18 year old guy...

I am too tired to fight, but too stubborn to conform to the ways of this f**ked up world. I give up. (from a suicide note)

Whats scary is i know exactly how he felt....

2005-05-22T08:46:00.000-07:00

I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better everyday
That it didn't hurt me when you walked away
But to tell you the truth I can't find my way...

2005-05-21T20:42:00.000-07:00

i would die for you
i've been dying jus to feel you at my side
to know that your mine..
i would sell my soul for something
pure and true,something like you

haha a song and i love it!!!

2005-05-21T00:45:00.000-07:00

today was an ok day...man..i need a drink haha.Rainy rainy rainy,i love the rain! rain rain dun go away,come again another day! ok i'm lame..but whas new..

2005-05-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

It's Not My Style, to try an cheat and lie, why do you santify something that already died.I've got something that i realise...

2005-05-18T19:05:00.000-07:00

i saw the parts of my soul,they were shattered and i wanted you to make me whole..
i've seen the ashes in my heart,i smile the wildest while my insides tore apart,
you gave me words i jus can't say,
so hold on while i drip away.
and you gave me things to hide
these things make me feel alive...

2005-05-15T08:11:00.000-07:00

I was once told only in dreams
Do dreams come true.
But I'm to tell, here and now,
My dreams are up to you.

2005-05-11T06:15:00.000-07:00

If you want to know more about me..dun becos u wont like what you see.I'll push you away..no matter if ur right for me.

2005-05-10T07:02:00.000-07:00

my good friend is across the sea and doing stuff and all,and i am stuck here! whats so charmed about this life?! grrr...lalala i need to sleep haha. hey whats the point of caring on,if u know tell me please..plz..plz..plz..plz haha.

2005-05-05T06:02:00.000-07:00

it's a shame we gotta go through this,we can't even talk, girl we don't even kiss.I never thought we'd be breakin' up like this...but it's over now

2005-05-02T20:22:00.000-07:00

lalala...ok somethings wrong with me,maybe i had to much to drink lalala i'm damn happy and joyful which i am never! ok i know i have some attitude problem,but those who try to change me..fuck yourself,ok some pple do that for fun or i dun care what,but i mean it,whatever problems u have deal with it,dun tell me...cos i dun want to listen.Ok i'm mean..but i am all the time lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

~what problems you ever have
bury them like i do,if you need pills ask me~

2005-05-02T08:39:00.000-07:00

Cos obviously she's out of my leauge..i wasted my time,she will nv be mine.i try to go out,but she keeps pulling me in.And i'll nv be good enough for her...

2005-05-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

i became what i despise leading a not crappy life.i saw myself in a picture..it was all messed up,like a lousy drawing,thats how i like it :)

2005-04-30T06:57:00.000-07:00

I think I realized just in time, although my old self was hard to find.You bathe me in your finest wine but I'll never give you mine. becuase I'm a little bit tired of feeling like I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?

2005-04-27T20:53:00.000-07:00

i jus learnt that i have everything...wonderful family and friends.Sometimes i listen outside my mom's door and hear her crying..i pray and pray hopefully,i wish the pain is jus on me..if i could have one more glance one more step..that will be enough.

2005-04-26T07:23:00.000-07:00

And I can't tell if you're laughing
between each smile there's a tear in your eyet
here's a train leaving town in an hour
it's not waiting for you, and neither am I...

2005-04-23T22:40:00.000-07:00

there are 40 joys...and i am don't have any of them.

2005-04-23T07:21:00.000-07:00

No hell below us.Above us only sky,imagine all the people,living for today. oh man..how i wish that was true.no aids no war..no need for guns.how i wish it was true..only living for our dreams. Someone made me think when i cannot,someone made me feel...i must thank her for that...

i can only imagine what i'll see,if ur face is before me
will fall on my knees,will find myself standing in the sun
standing before ur sweetness i can only imagine...what i'll feel

man ur so damn sweet,with you i dun need to drink..

2005-04-21T04:12:00.000-07:00

i fell asleep a little now i feel lke crap.

if i fall will there be another stone in my shoe..making it harder to get back to you.

2005-04-20T20:54:00.001-07:00

If i could fall along the way..dust me off.,i'll be fine anyway.

2005-04-19T20:56:00.000-07:00

man..damn i went to a lousy date,are there no good ones! at least there was good food haha.i'm definAtely back to my same old lame self,i can't remember much abt the past..my memory must be seeping or something,oh man..i'm going for lunch now,i'll be bored but at least there is good food haha.

2005-04-17T20:50:00.000-07:00

I walk a mile with a smile
And I don't know
I don't care where I am
But I know it's alright

Jump the tracks
Can't get back
I don't know anyone around here
But I'm safe this time

2005-04-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

Of all the people...i wanna be with one person. But i can't..my parents trust her,but i dun really care...i rather get drunk or something,so much trouble ok i'm goin to sleep!

2005-04-16T21:18:00.000-07:00

i never found a place to call home,even though i've been around for to long....Well I deserve nothing more than I get Cos nothing I have is truly mine! ok i'm jus in the thinking mood,ok this is not for me,its abt feeling,somethind that i dun want haha. Dun talk to me abt ur frens,i have my own,dun talk to me abt anything,i'm to tired of listening to you...i wanna sleep and never wake.

2005-04-15T20:00:00.000-07:00

you can cut your hair,bite ur lip,change ur clothes.whetever you do i wld notice you..i wld like u too!

2005-04-15T08:56:00.000-07:00

On broken wings I'm falling
And it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
By the fires of the sun
On skinned kneesI'm bleeding
And it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning I'll search for so long
Cry ourselves to sleep
We will sleep alone forever
Will you lay me downIn the same place with all I love

2005-04-15T04:58:00.000-07:00

i found a girl in my bed...she turned out to be dead.

2005-04-15T04:17:00.000-07:00

i had a good day,my bestfren is going with my ex.super good! they deserve happiness haha.i didn't drink today, i feel like crap..oh man i feel like crap anyway...i went for a swim today,oh man the water is damn good.

~hush little baby dun you cry,dad will care for you..i won't let you cry today~

2005-04-14T22:26:00.000-07:00

Everyday I try and I try and I try
But everybody wants to put me down
They say I'm going crazy
They say I got a lot of water in my brain
Ah, got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe in haha

2005-04-12T20:42:00.000-07:00

You know I love it when the news is bad
And why it feels so good to feel so sad
I am only happy when it rains
I feel good when things are going wrong
I only listen to the sad, sad songs
I am only happy when it rains
You wanna hear about my new obsession?
I am riding high upon a deep depression
I am only happy when it rains
Pour some misery down on me... cos it touches me everytime!

2005-04-12T06:55:00.000-07:00

ok...because of Natasha i dunno what to say,shes got another fren also in a car crash,and that person can't walk,can't eat,hes alot worst than me,she said i survied a crash whats this to me,and i'm becoming much better...she's right,i survied a bad crash and i should always give a damn,cos if i taken the worst..other thing won't mean as much.

thx Natasha

2005-04-12T05:04:00.000-07:00

oh man i had fun in KL but the thoughts hit me when i got back to Sing,man..my only mistake is i care at all,i didn't care,but now i do and it hurts.i'm going to get drunk or something..my mum is crappy and all,i'm gonna get drunk and forget everything be like last time...

i tear my heart open,i sew myself shut
my problem is i care to much
i drunk and i want to be alone
why dun you just go home.

2005-04-07T04:09:00.000-07:00

i am in a bad mood,dun disturb me..cos i will hurt you if you do.

2005-04-06T21:37:00.000-07:00

And I wish I could teach us all to fly
Take away the pain out your hands and help you hold them high
And I wish God had never gave the men power
To be able to hurt the people inside the Twin Towers.

go to this http://lyrics.rare-lyrics.com/T/Twista/Hope.html the song is damn nice..and true.

2005-04-06T04:51:00.000-07:00

I'm really blessed,i have a good family,close friends and someone i care about alot more than i should.My family is damn nice i jus realazed that,and my close friends are super caring Fabius comes every week! But the person i care abt,deals with all my crap and lameness...deals with all my poems and stuff,ayway i should treat her much better.

2005-04-01T23:09:00.000-08:00

I don't feel the way I've ever felt.
I know.
I'm gonna smile and not get worried.
I try but it shows.
Anyone can make what I have built.
And better now
Anyone can find the same white pills.
It takes my pain away.

2005-03-30T23:33:00.000-08:00

oh man...today was not bad,my therapy is almost finishing!And i'm at home alone,its raining outside,i cannot go out.You know what i'm goin out and getting wet! GETTING WET IS A GOOD THING HAHA.

2005-03-29T19:20:00.000-08:00

i tear myself open,i sew my heart shut...i'm drunk and i'm feeling down jus leave me alone.My weaknes is that i care to much,i tear my heart open jus to feel.

2005-03-29T19:06:00.000-08:00

There was a very cautious man
Who never laughed or played.
He never risked, he never tried, He never sang or prayed.
And when he one day passed away, His insurance was denied.
For since he never really lived, They claimed he never died.

oh man..there is no point living with all this crap,fu*k there is no point at all.

2005-03-28T17:11:00.000-08:00

man..i'm going to cut my hair today.There is more bounce in America,more bounce in Amercia,where poor man all supside.I like to party all the time i wanna watch a DVD,just a little bit higher baby,just a little bit higher now.If you suck in a jam,wide the top down..theres no where else i rather be!

2005-03-28T17:06:00.000-08:00

There's always that one person
That will always have your heart
You'll never see it coming
Cause you're blinded from the start
Know that you're that one for me
It's clear for everyone to see...

for a someone...

2005-03-27T04:39:00.000-08:00

I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard.
All a moment that's held in your arms.
And what do you think you'd ever say?
I don't listen anyway…
And i will never be what you want me to be.

2005-03-26T19:51:00.000-08:00

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow...

2005-03-25T19:29:00.000-08:00

I can be screwed up i agree
But you wouldn't care if you knew me
You wouldn't try to change me just let me be...

2005-03-25T18:08:00.000-08:00

robots is not a bad show,everyone watch it! lalala..i can't find my blades,maybe lend them! ITS A WAY.Oh ya i'm sleepy,why am i on the com? oh ya i miss someone...her exams are ending anyway .

2005-03-24T04:48:00.000-08:00

this is super lame...

Heart of Gold

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by

2005-03-24T01:15:00.000-08:00

Heart of Stone

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by

2005-03-23T21:06:00.000-08:00

i'm hungry hungry hungry,i ate a mee but i'm still hungry! What are you looking at huh? i wanna blade wanna pla cs wanna eat burger king wanna play warcraft wanna play the drums wanna drink again righty not give out some crap too my parent wanna play pool wanna play poker with cards!

2005-03-23T19:58:00.000-08:00

Anyone can make what I have built.
And i'm better now
Anyone can find the same white pills.
It takes my pain away.

Nevermind these are hurried times.
I can't let it bother me.
But it's a false sense of accomplishment.
Everytime I quit.

2005-03-23T05:49:00.000-08:00

i went to town today,i bought 2 caps,too add too my collection,i can wear one everyday! i'm happy cos i'm away from home.

2005-03-21T07:38:00.000-08:00

Your not close to your family,your life has its constant problems and you hope it'll get better.Wake up...its never going to,you'll always be not close...

2005-03-20T20:12:00.000-08:00

I'm Drunk and I'm feeling down,I'm pissed 'cause of you.

2005-03-20T06:33:00.000-08:00

shit really happens,pple argued with me today like i did something wrong.Fuck it...i learn not to care,i dun know why they did that...fine. i'll jus keep quiet when i see them tom. they'll always the same...

2005-03-20T05:30:00.000-08:00

it's about eventhough you can have people who are cheerful and wonderful around you, you can't help but feeling like you just want to sit in darkness and melancholy and be alone, because you belong there.

a song from bjork

2005-03-18T02:20:00.000-08:00

marc is a pig. all he does everyday is sleep , sleep and more sleep! piggy pig pig.
marc has more piercings than me.
marc loves someone. lalala.

guess who is typing.

:)

2005-03-17T20:13:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in ages...but i'm goin to start again.SO many things have changed...so so many...i've gotten in trouble,got out of it.Got drunk so many times...got stoned,crashed a car. Met someone new who i care for alot..its the 1st time in my life,she makes me nicer!Jus tired now...no one distub me plz.

2005-03-17T20:11:00.000-08:00

I was once told only in dreams
Do dreams come true.
But I'm to tell, here and now,
My dreams are up to you.

2005-03-16T05:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, you asked me something I thought you knew.
So I told you with a smile 'It's all about you'
Then you whispered in my ear and you told me to
Say 'If you make my life worthwhile, it's all about you'

And I would answer all you're wishes, if you asked me to.
But if you deny me one of your kisses, don't know what I'd do.
So hold me close and say three words, like you used to do.
Dancing on the kitchen tops,Yes you make my life worthwhile,
So I told you with a smile...It's all about you.

2005-03-14T03:40:00.000-08:00

my mum hid my blades she scared i'll fall down.

2005-03-13T16:56:00.000-08:00

ysterday was sunday i went to church witth my frens,and i'm the only guy there!!! i'm goin blading later,to see if i can move.my mum dun let me,but i dun really care.

2005-03-12T17:18:00.000-08:00

It's raining like magic
It's falling like starlight
It's raining like magic
It's raining life

The forest is breathing
Ferns are rejoicing
And the trees are all singing
It's raining life
And ohWhat a feeling
On this glorious rain-drumming evening

2005-03-11T20:29:00.000-08:00

its raining like magic
its raining its pouring
its giving life....

2005-03-10T04:26:00.000-08:00

its the 1st time i felt this way,this time a girl made me feel this..i dun know,neither do i really care...

2005-03-10T01:45:00.000-08:00

you took all the stars away
i don't know what to say.
You turned my night into day.
Your so perfect thats all i can say.
If i broke your heart i rather die than live this way...

i wrote this for someone i care about to read..

2005-03-09T04:13:00.000-08:00

Beautiful Soul
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste I want you and your beautiful soul
I know that you are something special To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste I want you and your beautiful soul
Your beautiful soul, yeahYou might need time to think it over
But im just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind If you give me the chanceI will never make you cry c`mon lets try
Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way I do I just wanna know if you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste I want you and your beautiful soul
Your beautiful soul, yeah.

2005-03-06T18:18:00.000-08:00

fabuis came to my house on sunday.i'm not so bored anymore but i'm still bored,well see what movie is on.i jus realzed i miss marie...it didn't occur to me before.ok i gtg look after the baby and stuff.

2005-03-02T18:02:00.000-08:00

i'm bored bored bored bored.

2005-02-26T21:03:00.000-08:00

All I ever wanted is in you
love, laughter, a pillow for my fears.
I want to give and to be given to
So I might feel myself flow through the years
Alive in you, the wonder of my tears